The Metal Gear Solid series is often hailed and criticized for its epic nature, but one aspect where it merits praise but doesn't seem to get any in its often unconventional portrayals of women-- including some performances that, in video game narratives, we could rightly call extraordinary. On the other hand, it's not all winners. In fact, as we'll see, there is actually far more to criticize than there is to praise, but so it is with all media. With this list, I'll be looking at the ten female characters I feel best represent the spectrum of MGS's women.

This list starts with the highest scores and goes to the lowest. Today we talk about the five best MGS females; tomorrow we look at the five worst.

Note: by necessity, there are spoilers ALL OVER this. Read at your own discretion.


+4
The Boss

aka: Rosemary, The Joy, Voyovoda
Appears in: MGS3
It's hard to get more badass than the acknowledged mother of U.S. Special Forces, who personally trained Big Boss and still, well into her 40s, can kick his ass eight ways from Saturday. She can canonly bench press at least 300 kilos and she looks a little like Cate Blanchett. But the crowning glory of this character is the absurdly over-the-top factoid that The Boss participated in the Battle of Normandy while heavily pregnant, actually gave birth on the battlefield, and then went on to single-handedly defeat the Nazis without missing a beat. Even Volgin is scared of her, and rightly so.

Not to mention, she's mother to the series' most magnificent bastard, Revolver Ocelot, which itself deserves mighty kudos.

Function: Twist good guy.
Dies? Yes.
Pros: Ultimate Badass.
Cons: Suffers wardrobe malfunction in the final battle. But at least it's somewhat motivated.


+3
Olga Gurlukovich

aka: Mr. X
Appears in: MGS2
While a small character overall, you have to give major credit to Kojima for writing a butch Russian babe who not only dresses in men's wear but also doesn't shave her armpits. Let me repeat that: Kojima made sure his CG modelers took the time to give a female character hairy pits. And lest you start assembling stereotypes in your head, recall that one of the first things you learn about Olga in the tanker chapter is that she's pregnant-- and her dad seems more concerned about the baby than she does, since she brazenly faces Snake in battle anyway.

Olga later gives birth to Sunny, who is kidnapped by the Patriots and used as collateral to get Olga to work for them. But rather than play the victim and become totally subservient to their will, she seeks out Snake and forms a partnership with him, ultimately playing both sides (haw) as the new Cyborg Ninja as well as Raiden's informant, Mr. X. And Olga is sure to tell Raiden that the little shit had damn well better save her daughter in her place if she happens to bite it. Snake and Raiden close off the game agreeing to honor Olga's wish, which is a pretty bold statement for something to end on, if you think about it.

Function: Antagonist, later plot mover.
Dies? Yes.
Pros: One of the manlier characters in all of MGS2, legitimately badass, and knows that just because you get a little bit of penis in you doesn't mean you sit back and let the boys handle things.
Cons: Unlike The Boss, she allows her function as a mother to be used against her, although she continues to struggle against her blackmailers.

You see those pixels under her armpits there? If you look closely, they spell out "Kojima might just be the most feminist game director ever."


+2
Meryl Silverburgh

Appears in: MGS1, MGS4
Meryl represents the best and worst in MGS women. She started out as one of the more deplorable representatives of the XX chromosome set, with her role in MGS1 mostly consisting of embarrassing herself, being used by enemies, and being shot down/tortured/raped by Liquid Snake's cronies. And there are really no good ways to justify the fact that you have to punch her out to disable her during the Mantis battle.

Players had to work rather hard to save her from being killed, and few saw a point in doing so anyway, since if you do save her all you get is infinite ammo and some gooey romantic nonsense that Snake would never say. This ending, however, is canon-- both the infinite ammo bandana and Meryl reappear in later games, but fortunately for all of us, when Meryl shows up in MGS4 it turns out she went and took remedial cool classes in the intervening years: she's the head of her own unit now, with realistic upper body mass, legitimate skills and a sensible head on her shoulders. But unlike Raiden, who went all the way over the edge in his efforts to not be hated by the entire fandom, Meryl retains a sense of humanity.

Furthermore, when Johnny Sasaki proposes to her, she refuses, and then pops him the question. After he accepts, Meryl rants about wanting "a real wedding, with flowers and a cake!" all while mowing down enemies left and right. She gets her white wedding as promised in the epilogue, replete with a beautiful, elegant dress-- which she accessorizes with her trusty sidearm. Meryl is the quintessential third-wave feminist, free to be just as masculine and just as feminine as she pleases, without having to sacrifice one for the other. A better arc we've seldom seen in a game character.

Function: MacGuffin, later the third most useful warrior on Snake's team.
Dies? Nope!
Pros: It took nine years, but she went from despicable damsel in distress to dependable ally, and she didn't even have to turn into a cyborg to do it.
Cons: It's probably no coincidence that she accepts Johnny's proposal when she's 27 years old: the deadline for a woman to get married if you happen to be Japanese or written by someone who is.


+1
Para-Medic

aka: Dr. Clark
Appears in: MGS3, MGSPO
Essentially the 60s answer to Otacon, this Japanophiliac, movie-buff doctor and survival expert on Naked Snake's support team is probably some of the most enjoyable conversation you'll get in an MGS game.

After an initial attempt at sexual tension fizzles out within the first radio conversation, Para-Medic assumes the role of the dorky cinephile who can chat Snake's ear off about pretty much any movie you can think of, from Godzilla to spaghetti westerns. She'll react with disgust and finally knowing exasperation when she comes to accept that Snake's bottomless pit of a stomach does not discern between "people food" and "not people food". She'll play along with Snake's conviction that glowing mushrooms recharge his equipment's batteries, and she'll convince Snake that it's a really awesome idea to go around painted like a zombie, a kabuki actor, or a geisha. She's also 100% behind the Croc Cap.

She may be not be much of a warrior and her later role in the Les Enfants Terrible project casts some darkness on her charm as a character, but in a canon filled with sexy villains and overpowered heroines, it's refreshing to have someone smart, candorous and normal.

Function: Support team.
Dies? Horribly.
Pros: Lovably geeky, and really, Naked Snake and his support team deserve each other.
Cons: What the hell is with that outfit? A bow? And a shawl? Really?


0
Emma Emmerich

aka: E.E.
Appears in: MGS2
Otacon's step-sister, it would seem that some things run in the family, even if it's not blood-related. Sharing her step-brother's pants-wetting condition, Emma is about as everyday as MGS personalities come, when you think about it-- and yes, that includes a debilitating fear of water and bugs, and no, I don't care if you found the escort mission annoying because of all that. To top it all off, Emma turns out to be a brilliant programmer, highly esteemed even by her genius brother.

The main problem, really, is that imprinting was not an idea passed on to the writers at any point. Despite the entire field of psychology insisting it Just Doesn't Happen, Emma has sexual feelings for her step-brother, which Otacon returns, to great tragedy when she happens to bite it before they can start a happy, quasi-incestuous relationship together. Her death also prompts more about Otacon's sordid, tragic past than we really needed to know, reinforcing what we've always suspected: women getting within 20 feet of Otacon exist only to force the requisite "Otacon bawls his eyes out" scene. As a reflection on Otacon, E.E.'s attraction is to enhance his angst; as a reflection on Emma, it serves no goddamn purpose at all.

Function: Damsel in distress, plot-mover.
Dies? Just so Otacon can cry.
Pros: Adorably awkward, refreshingly normal, and she DOES kind of save the day, you know.
Cons: The brother thing is unforgivable, possibly the worst and most pointless character trait ever bestowed upon an undeserving female in this series.


That's the good news-- so what's the bad news? Tune in tomorrow for the 5 worst Metal Gear Solid women!

Forward to:

The Top 10 Best and Worst Metal Gear Solid Women (Part 2)