You may or may not know the name Kym Worthy, but if you don’t, you’re probably better for it. Kym is a Detroit lawyer who takes it upon herself to release a list of ten games for parents to avoid buying for their children every holiday season. Like most people trying to make names for themselves by attacking the video game industry, Kym is completely uninformed (and by uninformed, I mean a fucking idiot who should mind her own business). She proved her ignorance last year by releasing a completely outdated list of games not to buy during the 2007 holiday season.

Sadly, Kym hasn’t taken the last twelve months to come to her senses and stop talking about something she’s clearly clueless about. No, she’s back again with a new list, and it seems she’s been reading her internets, because this one actually contains games that came out this year. Behold, the new list, as well as the reasoning behind each choice. Be aware that there may be some spoilers on this list, which is provided by the Detroit Free Press.

Blitz: the League II – Players can target which part of their opponent they wish to demolish. Steroid and drug use is encouraged and wins are celebrated with hookers in a hotel room.

Dead Space – Players must destroy scary creatures; if the creature catches you, it won’t just kill you. It will dismantle your limbs and decapitate you.

Fallout 3 – Survivors in a post-nuclear world must kill whatever is in their way including giant insects, raiders and super mutants

Far Cry 2 – The mission in this game is to kill The Jackal, an arms dealer supplying both sides of a conflict. Blowing off people's heads is a regular occurrence.

Gears of War 2 – This game's main weapon is the Lancer assault rifle which combines a rifle with a chain saw.

Left 4 Dead – The player is in a city where a new rabies virus is quickly spreading. Victims become disfigured and launch vicious attacks on the uninfected.

Legendary – A thief breaks into a New York museum and breaks into Pandora’s Box unleashing all the world’s evil beasts who destroy all humans.

Resistance 2 – Continues the original "Resistance" game but this version is set in the United States instead of Europe. The Chimera alien race kills civilians by the thousands.

Saints Row 2 – The second edition of a gang-affiliated series. The game has expanded with new vehicles to steal. The player can choose to beat up strippers, slit rival gang members' throats or shoot cops.

Silent Hill Homecoming – At the end of this game, the player is forced to choose between shooting his mother in the head or let a torture device rip her in half.

I’m trying to use my words here, but it’s hard to express myself in coherent sentences when confronted with such blatant idiocy. First of all, every single one of the games on this list is rated Mature. It is stated right on the game box that these games are not meant for children. These ratings are meant to help parents, and while the ESRB system may not be perfect, it’s certainly better and more informative than some oblivious woman not associated with the industry in any way.

Also, some of the reasoning behind why these games should be avoided is… man, I am running out of synonyms for ignorant and stupid already! For example, you shouldn’t buy Fallout 3 for your kids because “Survivors in a post-nuclear world must kill whatever is in their way including giant insects”. Oh, no! Not giant insects! The slow-motion headshots are no big deal, but you leave those mutated bugs out of it. Then there’s Legendary, which really hasn’t made an impact critically or sales-wise; I think the most offensive thing about that game is that you’re playing Legendary. As for Dead Space and Silent Hill: Homecoming, what the hell would survival horror be without the horror? I played Silent Hill all the way through, and yes, you do make that choice in the game, and it is also relevant to the plot. Sure, it is kind of messed up, which is why it’s—say it with me now!—rated Mature.

I could go through the games one by one and tell you why Kym Worthy’s reasoning is complete and utter bullshit, but if you’re reading this, you probably already know that. What’s really sad is that people who don’t know better are going to take this list seriously, and Kym is going to continue to do this on a yearly basis. With only two weeks left in the year, it looks like we’ve got another last-minute PWNY nominee.

[Img source]

Related Articles:

Detroit Lawyer Releases List of Ten Most Violent Games

Writer Blames Video Games for Rampant Killing

Pseudo-Psychologist Admits She was Wrong About Mass Effect