As a kid, wanting to grow up to be a ninja had about as much merit as wanting to be a fire truck, but much to my surprise and the surprise of every school teacher and principal, that lifelong wish can become a reality. If you're a resident of Bronxville, NY (Yonkers, Mt. Vernon and New Rochelle will be acceptable too), you can pay a real life Shidoshi ("teacher of the warrior ways") a pretty penny to teach you the martial art of ninjutsu. That's right, folks. Ninja lessons!!!

If you're one of the few fools that sides with pirates in the "ninjas vs. pirates" debate, get out of my house. Right now. As for the rest of you, have a seat. Now, I've been a lifelong ninja supporter, but I will admit that I'm a bit ignorant to the ways of the ninja. Luckily I can get totally schooled by a real life ninja in New York.

Learn the secrets of ancient martial arts and the mysterious ninja warriors with one of New York' oldest Bujinkan schools, affiliated with Bujinkan Hombu Dojo in Japan since the early 1980's.

These legendary combat methods teach effective methods of self-protection using elusive timing, control of distance and subtle angling, i.e. like how to avoid the assault of a sword.

Learn from an actual Shidoshi (teacher of the warrior ways) about the history, tradition and philosophy of these night tigers before practicing their self-defense, heightened awareness and combat strategy methods.

These lessons are a great compliment to existing martial art experience. The opportunity to use weapons in this class is on a case to case scenario and under the sole discretion of the instructor.

You can really tell he's a real ninja by those dashing blue eyes... You know, I feel like I've just been learned by that description alone. And for the price of only $195.00, I would assume one would walk away with a vast knowledge of all that it takes to be a ninja. I mean, it can't be that hard, right? Okay, maybe it is. However, there is a deal of 2 lessons for the price of $300.00. But that's it. No more. So, in other words, that whole bit about prior martial art experience being a good compliment to said ninja lessons isn't necessarily an option but rather a necessity. Something tells me I would be needing at least 3 lessons before I could be a real ninja master. Then again, what do I know? I thought Seppuku was a number game.

If you're a New Yorker in need of grace and deathly kicking abilities, sign up for your private ninja lessons here.

[via CoolMaterial]